I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
