Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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