ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
