I hope mine doesn't look like that
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
