By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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