it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
