i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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