I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
