If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sober January is a disaster.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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