I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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