so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
