you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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