i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I am morally bankrupt
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
