Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
