Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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