we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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