Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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