Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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