how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This baby is an asshole
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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