there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
