erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
