oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
