Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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