i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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