I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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