eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
