I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
