Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
