My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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