I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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