And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we're so committed to being not committed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
