Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
