I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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