Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
