Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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