Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
