Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
