i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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