my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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