Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
