Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
