grandma shit on top of the toilet
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
