is your mom at the bar?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
