Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
