i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
not ubering you a puppy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
