I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize