tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
