I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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