Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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