So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
