I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
