this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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