Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
one might say we're banned from that church
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
