he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
