she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
