She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
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Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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