Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
