is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
