these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
