hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
