Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i will never coherently bang her
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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