She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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