Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
