forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
