I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They took my balls.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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