I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You can't special order awesome
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
