Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
