take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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